There seems to be quite the glorification of busy in these times. If we can’t moan to our friends about how tired we are, how run down, how stressed, how very busy, it seems we don’t have much to say to each other sometimes. Even when it is positive busy-ness; building success, creating wealth etc. there is a pay off for valuing this ‘busy’ over other things – family, relationships etc.
It does not matter how many people you know, how social a butterfly you are, or whether you live alone; we each fall asleep every night from within our own minds. As profound and important as our relationships are, and as much as they influence us throughout our lives, we are, at essence, each alone.
Keeping busy is a wonderful way to thwart loneliness. It works in tandem. What does not work is not acknowledging that your busy-ness is covering an emotion you do not wish to face; a direct divergent technique.
Alone does not have to mean lonely. Sometimes the loneliest places are those most filled with people. Loneliness comes from disconnect. It is a fear-based emotion and is entirely founded on the idea that being alone is not conducive for us as humans whilst we are being. We gravitate towards each other. It is a packing/clan instinct that we don’t even realise we have a lot of the time. Not to mention the obvious reproductive instincts.
Goals, dreams and intentions can very easily become lost in ‘busy’. Valuing your time being full over your heart, being full can only ever be beneficial temporarily. What becomes of us when we turn around after years of racing after that dangling carrot and see that there is nothing and no one there. What of the loneliness then?
Stopping the glorification of busy goes hand in hand with potentially facing loneliness. If you were to leave your job to work from home, yes you could work in your pajamas, but you do not get the interaction with colleagues. If you are not running errands here and there that are not really necessary anyway, what do you do with your time? If you are not meeting up with people just because you are used to doing it, what are you doing?
In this time and space, you find the ability to evaluate what is worth being busy for; and not only what, who! Being busy by it-self and for good reasons is wonderful; that is called purpose. Where busy loses its lustre is where the joy is not present within it. That is being busy for being busy’s sake and you might very well find you are keeping this up so that you do not need to spend time with the alternative; loneliness.
Being lonely is hard. Being lonely is being lost to the search for validation from outside of yourself. Loneliness festers when we want it balmed by the company and attention of others. It can be a most powerful lesson as well though, to learn to sit with feeling lonely and practice cultivating content company from within.
If you can build a friendship with yourself, you have a loneliness sidekick that will tide you over both when you are alone and when you are with others. Children without siblings learn this very young, as do those who have ‘imaginary’ friends. It is quite the similar concept. It is a shield and it is a comfort. And finally, it is a step toward a furthered level of self-love and a healthy self-love will have a direct communication with your reasons for and against what you choose to be ‘busy’ about.
We are all together alone and there could be nothing more beautiful!
